


How Many Nights Does it Take to Count The Stars? That's the Time it Would Take to Fix My Heart

by Rarlandcarjamin



Category: SEVENTEEN (Band)
Genre: Angst, Breakups, Crying, Heartbreak, Lots of Crying, M/M, Very angst, Wow, lots of angst lmao, sad joshua, seungcheol is a good neighbour, we must protect joshua at all costs, wonwoo is a jerk
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-01
Updated: 2018-04-01
Packaged: 2019-04-16 15:34:57
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,226
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14168010
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rarlandcarjamin/pseuds/Rarlandcarjamin
Summary: Wonwoo and Joshua's relationship has been over for a while, but Joshua can't seem to heal.





	How Many Nights Does it Take to Count The Stars? That's the Time it Would Take to Fix My Heart

Joshua laid in bed, unable to fall asleep. He pulled the blanket he was nested in closer to his chest, craving its warmth and comfort.

 

He watched the city lights flicker in the reflection of his window, imagining all the cars passing on the roads of the busy city, each one being driven by a person who had their own reason why they were awake and driving at 4:34 AM. 

 

Other than the sounds of the roads being used down below his apartment, Joshua heard nothing but silence. It was deafening and painful. He tried his best not to think about when it was full of life and not so quiet and dead, but he couldn’t stop himself. The thought was there and it wasn’t going away anytime soon. 

 

His mind showcased blurry memories of himself and Jeon Wonwoo doing the simplest things such as watching TV together on the couch or just sleeping side by side in their bed. Their bed, which was now just Joshua’s bed, which felt empty every single night. No matter how many blankets he covered himself in, he always felt cold. He’d been feeling cold for nine months. 

 

Joshua looked up at the ceiling following the routine that was now screwed into his brain. He started to feel his throat tighten and he kept focusing on the ceiling. Now taking deep breaths that echoed the small room, Joshua tried to stop. He tried to make the water in his eyes vanish, praying to God that he wouldn’t cry again. He knew it wouldn’t work, but he hoped. He didn’t want to still be hurt so much that he still cried nine months after they broke up. Joshua’s breaths became shaky and faster as he willed himself to keep it together, but his emotions had other plans. A single uncontrolled tear fell from his eye, and that was it. Once one came they all did. Hot and thick tears spilled from his eyes and he cried into his hands, quietly wailing into them. 

 

Joshua sat up, and let himself go, releasing all of his bottled emotions. Well, the ones bottled up from the last two weeks. It was pathetic to Joshua, he shed one or two tears every single day for the past fourteen days. It was right around then that Wonwoo had proposed to him. One half of him felt it was okay to cry about it. The other half scolded him, telling him he was weak and pathetic, to just get over him. Joshua knew for a fact that he was weak. He pondered how much Jeon Wonwoo affected him. If how much he thought about him would affect his mental health, or worse, make him eligible to be put in a mental hospital. He thought that Wonwoo was the love of his life, and given how Wonwoo asked him to marry him, he thought the other had thought the same. They dated for three years, Wonwoo moving in at six months. They had it all - a great relationship, good jobs, a roof over their heads and food on the table. Until they didn’t. 

 

It still keeps Joshua up at night, how he woke up on the 22nd of April and walked into the kitchen and found a piece of paper on the counter. He picked it up and immediately recognized his partner’s writing. He assumed it was an ‘I have to work late’ note or a grocery list, but it was neither. To sum it up, it was a letter telling Joshua that Wonwoo didn’t love him anymore and he’d found someone else. Of course, Wonwoo had worded it nicer. Joshua was left visibly shaking, the paper becoming wet with his tears. He went to the bedroom to find that half of the closet was empty and tried not to think of how Wonwoo told him he loved him last night, just like every night.

 

No matter how cruel Wonwoo was to break his heart the way he did, Joshua still missed him. He missed the way he held him. The way his lips felt on his own. His smile. His lame jokes. Everything. It was nothing but pathetic.

 

After a few minutes, he took his head out of his hands, reaching over to grab a tissue from the nightstand when he felt his hands were wet and sticky with his tears and snot. Wiping them clean, Joshua took a shaky breath and rose from his bed, finding it was way too hot for him to stay in. He dragged his feet over to the window, lifting it up and letting the cool night breeze hit him. He leaned on the ledge, looking down and watching the cars speed down the road. 

 

Joshua looked up at the sky, taking in the breathtaking clear view of the stars. He felt his eyes watering, and he began to sob once again, still looking at the stars. He felt like they were looking down on him as if they were telling him to cheer up.

 

“Will anyone _ever_ love me?” He cried out to them. 

 

The building walls were thin, pretty much the only disadvantage to living there. Choi Seungcheol laid in his bed as he heard the familiar sound of crying coming from behind the left wall of his bedroom. He should be annoyed at his neighbour, for keeping him up so much with his crying, but he felt really bad for the guy. 

 

He knew that his name was Joshua, and had run into him briefly a few times. Each time he saw him, Seungcheol couldn’t stop thinking about how much he heard him cry, and how much pain he looked like he was in.

 

With the walls being so thin, he recalled there being two people living in the apartment beside his. He would always hear them talking and laughing, and even having sex once. For the past while, all he ever heard was crying every now and then. Since he never saw Wonwoo around anymore, he guessed that they’d split up. 

 

The crying became louder.

 

He thought of something that he shouldn’t do, but he felt he had to. He wanted to. Pulling the covers off his body, Seungcheol grabbed his glasses off his desk and walked over to his window. He flipped the latches, unlocking it before raising it up. It sure was cold that night. He heard the crying more clearly now, and as he peeked over to the other opened window beside his, he saw Joshua. 

 

Joshua, who he hadn’t seen in months. He was a miserable mess, tears streaming down his face and eyes screwed shut as he cried his heart out. Seungcheol’s eyes softened. He hated seeing others in pain. 

 

He licked his lips before clearing his throat, catching Joshua’s attention. The other looked over at him with wide eyes, resembling a deer caught in headlights. Seungcheol took a deep breath. “I’m not going to ask because I already know you’re not okay, but,” He paused. Joshua didn’t know what to do. He felt bad that he had woken up his neighbour that he couldn’t remember the name of with his noisy crying.

 

“Do you need some company? I get that it’s not really my place-” 

 

“Please,” Joshua said, voice quivering. “Please.” 

 

Seungcheol nodded with a small smile. “Yeah. Of course.”

**Author's Note:**

> heh I knew I would post a fic today I just didn't think it would be at 1:30 AM lmao. I was listening to some sad songs that you should check out that inspired me to write this such as (WHY CAN'T I LINK THEM ARGH): 
> 
> Wait - M83  
> Better Days - Hedley  
> Carry On - Fun.  
> Infinity - One Direction (WHich inspired the title of this btw). 
> 
> ALSO: I'm not going to continue this BUT Seungcheol and Joshua do end up falling in love :)
> 
> Thanks for reading! Kudos and comments are appreciated (my favourite thing is reading comments but I never get any huuuuhhhhhhh)


End file.
